Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
