it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
