We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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