I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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