Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
