I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
