I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
