Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
