omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
