Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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