my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
