apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Couch. On fire.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
