he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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