Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We are all done wearing pants today
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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