i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
