And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
