First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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