Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
