i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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