My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
