You can't special order awesome
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
