He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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