So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
