That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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