I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize