dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize