i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
