I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
