I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
