her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You don't make any sense
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