When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just high enough for therapy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
