either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
