Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
