first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Found the puke drawer
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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