if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
