This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Randomize
