Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
