I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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