Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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