ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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