Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
