Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
