Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
