you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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