Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
