4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My sheets look like a crime scene.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
