last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
