Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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