shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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