There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
