Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
