as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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