just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
