He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Ambien. No doubt about it.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
