The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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