I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
