You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
