is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
