I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Never underestimate the power of titties
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