After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
