Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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