just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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