Sponge bath it is.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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