I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
