I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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