I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize