yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
