im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My liver just had a heart attack.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
