guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
