I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
