guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I know her cup size but not her name....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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