i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
