Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
