I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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